A few drinks

My Dad, otherwise known as the “car guy”, turned 40 years old when I was 19, same day in fact. My Mom threw him a theme party – all gifts in multiples of 40. No problem, I picked alcohol. My only regret of the day was that my Mom wouldn’t let me make him drink all of them. (She thought it would kill him).

  1. He wakes in the morning and looks out the window to see a TEQUILA SUNRISE.
  2. Looking over at the clock he realizes it is AFTER EIGHT.
  3. He hurries out of bed to make BREAKFAST.
  4. The bacon is getting nicely crisp when he notices a BROWN COW in his yard.
  5. He knows that Christie is home as he sees her STILETTO heels at the door.
  6. He remembers that it is close to her birthday and wishes he were NINETEEN again.
  7. After the family is fed, he strolls into the garage and is horrified to find a RUSTY NAIL on his bench.
  8. He then begins his regular puttering jobs in the garage and manages to find his favourite SCREWDRIVER without which he would be lost.
  9. Barbra walks in as he gently picks up another of those things that look like scrap metal, and says, “You treat that like it’s a VELVET HAMMER”.
  10. He notices a dog coming up the driveway and says, “Barb look at the GREYHOUND”, Barb replies, “silly Dad it’s only Katie”.
  11. Jen calls out lunch time and he is shocked to find he has two choices, he then frowns as neither one are incredibly spicy. He says to Mom, “What’s this, a choice between a MONKEY’S LUNCH
  12. and a LEPRECHAUN’S LUNCH.”
  13. Mom tells him to get out if he’s going to be so nasty, so he grabs his car magazine and heads to the john. He is amazed at the beautiful MODEL T,
  14. however the SIDE CAR doesn’t thrill him,
  15. but what a GOLDEN CADILLAC did behold his eyes!
  16. He next ventures out into the yard to burn garbage, which the rest of the neighbourhood thinks is a PRAIRIE FIRE.
  17. While he is near the FIRESIDE,
  18. he notices quite a few GRASSHOPPERS.
  19. Oh well, at least they aren’t FLYING GRASSHOPPERS.
  20. He sits down to take a rest and quickly jumps up to find a STINGER in his bum.
  21. Coming into the house he sees that Christie the ZOMBIE is finally up and at ‘em.
  22. Looking at her he can’t decide whether she looks like a GREEN DEVIL
  23. or a BLACK DEVIL.
  24. He comes to the conclusion that she must have the FLU and sends her back to bed.
  25. Mom comes in from working in the yard and he is shocked to see one DIRTY MOTHER.
  26. He decides not to say anything and turns on the TV. He flicks the channels. Hmm a documentary on TEST TUBE BABIES no no,
  27. hmm a GASOLINE spill by Petro Canada. Ha! Ha! No no,
  28. hmm a PIPELINE break by Petro Canada. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No no,
  29. hmm his favourite show motorcycles featuring RIDER PRIDE.
  30. What a CLIFFHANGER that will be.
  31. As he snoozes away on the couch Ramie pokes awake saying, “GODFATHER stop snoring!”
  32. Up he jumps and holly its dinner time already. So he gets the CORKSCREW to open his wine.
  33. He is dreading the whirlwind Barbra will bring in from the HUDSON BAY ohh scary!
  34. She comes home without the wind but a seemingly ALTERED STATE of mind.
  35. With Christie and Barbra as daughters he is so glad to have Jennifer who gives him an ANGEL’S KISS whenever she sees him.
  36. Jennifer smiles and says, “I love you Daddy, but you are TOO TALL for me.”
  37. Sitting down to dinner at SUNSET, Mom sneaks a poke in and turns up the lights, but he is pretty sharp and immediately notices and turns them back down.
  38. Since it is now AFTER DARK he decides
  39. it is time to get BETWEEN THE SHEETS.
  40. With Mom at his side he falls asleep thinking of a FUZY NAVEL?

Oh my, number 40 was a little too much! I have all the recipes for these drinks – comment to this post if you want them. Lucky for me my kids were only 9 and 7 when I turned 40.

2 thoughts on “A few drinks

  1. I was just going to write a post about the Car Guy’s 40th, but I am going to write about the 40 Recipes for Rhubarb.
    Yes, you are lucky your kids are still young, but wait until your 50th Birthday!

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